Percocet

Does anybody have any? No really.

Well it's Thursday night again which means my favorite local Karaoke bar is calling my name. I've been practicing a few new tunes, namely Mariah Carey's version of Open Arms. I recommend you check out the video but I have to tell you I've seen it a million times and I still have no idea what the fuck is going on with the hair situation. I will say that in the video she does the best impersonation of a baby lamb having a seizure - I've been studying her hand movement so I can perform it correctly live. I think the secret is lifting a bunch of heavy weights followed by a healthy dose of Percocet to really bring out the Parkinson's arm shakes.

Poor Mariah. I watched her perform live recently for the British version of American Idol or whatever and she looked like she was having a stroke when she realized that she's shrieked her beautiful voice away over the past 15 years. Towards the end of it I think she just resorted to rapping, I could barely watch the poor little lamb.

In other news I have successfully spent 4 hours of my day perfecting my widened-eye facial expression so that every time my supervisor walks through the door he thinks I'm not just sitting at my desk with my thumb up my butt. It works better if you don't blink, move your eyes side to side like you're reading something important while saying "no" to yourself and huffing. Come to think of it that's the exact same thing I do when I'm having sexy times.

...I'm not joking about the percocet.